I have nothing.

It seems I only write when I'm really down. Anyway, time to share some of the misery with my invisible audience. This one is a little improv... sung to a simple G F C G with a few hammer-ons in the chords for flavour..

It's not the best mood
That you'll ever find me in
I'm not all that pretty
When I'm as stubborn as I'm being

It's another one of those days
And maybe just a little worse
No matter what I knock back
Cant get rid of this thirst

Poured it out on you
You let me fill you to the top
You're giving me everything
And now you're everything I've got

This has been the worst day I've had in a long time.

Went to work early only to find I was the only one there.

Almost everyone was out at the planning meet and I was stuck at office.

I had to have my lunch alone at Subway. Paid 135 bucks. The sandwich sucked.

Did nothing for most of the day, but towards the end all the work started pouring in.

I ended up staying there till 730pm. With barely anyone else left to give me company or moral support.

Asked a couple of friends if they wanted to hang out. No luck.

Decided to install a new antivirus. Bad decision. The laptop I'm typing this post from is severely disabled right now. There's a "system shutdown" countdown window permanently open on the right side of the screen, and that countdown itself has hung.
Half the drivers don't seem to be working.

I decided I was going to get back home and play the guitar for a few hours. There were some nice songs with cool acoustic chords that I wanted to learn.

So I get home and change out of my work clothes. Open the guitar case. It's broken.
The headstock has snapped. I don't know how it happened. Could have been the cleaning woman.. could have been one of the guys.. I don't know why this is all happening today. Yesterday was perfect.

So now I'm here writing this blog. I put out an SOS on my gtalk status and facebook. No responses. No comments. I found Tatiana online. No reply though. J'ai besoin de quelqu'un... but there isn't anyone there today.

It's a shitty day. My guitar is broken and I'm alone.

People have interesting status messages on their Google Talk ids...

'if you don't compose, you decompose'
I like this one.. it's from a fellow musician, though I must add, he's quite a bit more accomplished than I am.

'sleep is/the bleak that/torques/keel me'
From a poet. She explained it: "something about the nature of sleep that makes me revolve around this point of stress
the point where I know I kind of give in"

Now this one, I really like:
'indifference is self preservation'
I barely know the girl, so I didn't ask why she put this up, but this sentiment is so familiar to me.

It reminded me of a stunning woman I know, who by her own admission, constructed her wall of nonchalance to 'preserve my sanity'

My current status message is from a beautiful (yet highly disturbing) movie called Irreversible... 'Le temps detruit tout'
The subtitle went 'Time ruins everything'. (Literally, en anglais, that would be 'Time destroys everything')

I put that up because I'm currently reeling from the sudden realisation that everything has changed... and it happened so quietly that I didn't even realise it...
I'd love to write more about it, but to explain that would require a new post, I think.

1971, Bill Withers live, with the sweat stinging in his eyes.

Click here to find out what you're experiencing right now.

As you'd be able to tell, I didn't write this piece. I was cleaning out my desk and found this old tattered piece of notebook paper. It obviously got wet (perhaps in the laundry if not in the rain)
because the ink has spread, giving the words a blue, highlighted effect. The paper is falling apart and it has the look of a coarse fabric. The handwriting is just beautiful, but now thanks to the folds and tears in the paper, it's almost illegible in some places... I hope I get the transcription right. This kind of thing just has to be preserved, so I'm putting it on the most permanent place I can think of..

One Broken Glass
Splinters across the floor
I walk through that
2 come 2 u
Still don't speak
Whas(sic) on my mind
no action shown what I feel
for u
I'm sorry for myself coz I'm
incurable
a person who cannot explain
herself
even if I need you more than
myself
I'm sorry
It maybe cos of the fear of
losing you
That glass is my heart
splinters are my feelings
Slowly i lose all those
who are close to me
but wid time in healing

Words & Worlds apart may find
you missing .

This was supposed to be a sonnet... turned into something else...

Letters scattered about the floor
Letters I wrote but was too scared to send
Letters that began but dint have an end
I wrote my mind, but there was always something more

Letters I didn't know what I was writing for
Perhaps one could cause my heart to mend
Or an unwritten rule or law to bend
To undo the damage, reset the score

So there'd never have been a reason to write
These letters behind which I hide
Satisfied to release the words, but never truly
To their destination, honestly and forthright
Thus they linger and haunt me from my bedside
Why can't I cease to write (or love) so unduly?

Ancient Romance

Bound in leather
Indigo traces unveil a tale
On pale yellow, yet perfectly preserved paper
Neatly arranged, her words were
Keys that floated her secrets
From the depths of her past
To gently break to the surface
And quickly fade again

Closely guarding them, she held herself
She was strong, safe and lonely in her fortress
Watching the river rush by
Searching for driftwood answers
That never quite came within reach

Raison d'être

To look beyond her sophisticated masque
To part the golden strands of sunlight
To bathe in her cerulean pools
To drown in her soul
To live forever
To search beyond the superficial
To see the real reason clear as day
To truly appreciate a majestic creature
To swear to guard it with your love and your life